Awake.

I am in love with love.
Everything  about it, I adore.
That seems to get me into alot of trouble.
I'm the most open yet horribly guarded person you will ever meet.
I'll tell you everything and anything about me.
But I can't trust you as far as I can throw you. Ever.
&& Thats not a good thing :/
I just feel like everyone is eventually going to screw you over in the end..so why bother?
On the other hand I want so badly to believe in a person who can prove me wrong.
Its weird, right?
Someday's I'm so on fire for love! and YEAH! LOVE! WAHOO!
and the next day, I'm absolutely positive I'm never going to get married and I'm going to forever be lonely.
Its becoming more and more clear to me that "love" doesn't have any type of definition.
At all really.
You love someone at the start of a relationship- no.
Thats infatuation.
You most likely don't even know the person that well.
You have nothing, except the feel-good notion that everything is somewhat new.
You can't keep your hand off eachother, all you want to do is spend every second in their presence...
its all lusty infatuation.
Usually when the 'honeymoon' stage is over, you see the negatives to that person, but in the last 3-9 months that you've known them, you've developed a friendship.
So, naturally, you feel the need to care for this person- yet the newness has been worn off.
You fight, argue-
before you know it, you're too deep in.
There's created baggage between you, though you won't or refuse to recognize it until forced to.
You have to care for this person because of what you once had.
- This is my biggest fear.
I absolutely hate it.
Things just running out of energy&life.
Thats when the grass starts looking alot greener on the other side.
and what if the other person doesn't feel the same way?
viceversa.
This scares me.
Its like a circle of unrealistic scenarios.
Maybe its because I haven't seen it, but relationships never last.
Everyone 'moves on' and leaves.
People do terrible things to each other.
To the people they 'love'.
I'm scared.
I guess that's the word I'll use... for lack of a better term.
I'm scared to death.